I’ve been searching for the perfect simile to describe how I feel about 30 Days of Photographs IV, the photography challenge that nearly perforated my frontal lobes before it mercifully ended two weeks ago, but the only thing that leaps to mind is a cardboard box.
Maybe that’s because my living room is filled with dozens of the dusty bastards, most of them half filled with half-empty liquor bottles and stolen library books that I’ll probably never read. I mean, seriously, is Fifty Shades of Grey really everything it’s cracked up to be, or would I be better off getting a subscription to HBO After Hours?
But I digress.
Yes, the rumors you’ve heard are true: Despite the ridiculous government shutdown and looming world economic collapse engineered by the ridiculous conservatives and their looming idiocy, I recently sold my house and will be moving into a new mansion with a better-stocked wine cellar in about a week. I hope you’ll all be able to join me there when I finish unpacking next summer. Put it on your calendar and plan to bring your swimsuits and float toys. My new swimming pool has a water slide and hidden love grotto that shouldn’t be missed.
In the meantime, despite all the moving hubbub, I got together a few days ago with my insanely talented 30 Days’ co-host Ziva to help pick our five favorite photos of the competition. It wasn’t easy, partly because you took about 600 photos during the challenge, and partly because many of them were good.
Nicky at We Work for Cheese even managed to fulfill most of the challenge’s prompts by taking nearly 30 photos of cheese, including a memorable shot that was the first—and hopefully last—soft-core pornographic cheese photograph I’ve seen. It’s a feat that deserves special mention, if not a prize. Not for photography, of course, because that would be almost as ridiculous as the fucking shutdown of the federal government, which is, as I might have mentioned earlier, fucking ridiculous. But you have to admire her creative tenacity. And the amount of cheese she consumes without any apparent health problems.
I won’t post the “winners” of the challenge here because Ziva already went to the trouble of doing it for me since I’m so busy telling my servants not to scratch the Rolls when they fill it up with moving boxes. God bless her for doing that, and please visit her at Ziva’s Inferno to see our top picks.
And remember, even if your favorite photo wasn’t chosen, you’re all winners here. Except for those of you who are obvious losers, which is everybody who was foolish enough to participate in 30 Days IV.
You idiots ought to run for Congress.