High atop a mountain spot,
Far above the town of Bloggity-Blog,
There lived a Grinchity-Grinch
Who was the Grinchiest Grinch by at least an inch.
Or maybe two.
Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be he had a cat in his hat.
Or perhaps his feet were flat.
Maybe he was in a snitter, waiting for a Twitter,
Or a Facebook friend without end.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
Was that his bandwidth was three times too small, and slow.
Whatever the cause, his head or his heart,
He hated the Bloggity-Bloggers and their chit-chat art.
“One blog, two blogs, good blogs, bad blogs,” he snarled
With a snippety, snarky snear
The Bloggity-Bloggers couldn’t hear.
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the warm, lighted windows in their town,
The Grinch could see their monitors glowing,
And hear the tippity-tap tapping of their typing.
Then he growled, his Grinchy fingers nervously drumming,
“I must stop this bloggity-blogging, I must!
I’ll do it with electricity! I’ll do it with dust!
I’ll do it with rust and dried-out chunks of crusty pizza crust!”
Then that mean old Grinch had an idea. A wonderful, awful idea!
It was a Grinchy sort of thought–overwrought, twisted and filled with fear.
“I know just what to do,” the Grinch laughed in his throat.
“I’ll use this cheap cloth to make a workman’s coat.”
He snipped and he sewed, and snapped and stitched.
Then he tried it on, and made it fit.
“What a great Grinchy trick!” he clucked and chuckled.
With this blue service jacket,
They’ll think I’m in the computer racket!
I’ll sneak into town and steal their Yahoo and Gmail,
Their Reddit, Digg and StumbleUpon.
I’ll shut it all down, down for the count.
I’ll take their AOL and Comcast, their EarthLink and Qwest!
But I won’t stop there! I’ll take all the rest!”
Then the Grinch loaded up his ramshackle van
With his worst Grinchy tools and his pet dog, Dan.
“Let’s go dog, go!” he barked. “Don’t be slow!”
They lurched down the hill, the Grinch beside Dan.
The ride was bumpy. It was lumpy. It was positively glafrumpy.
And the Grinch grumbled.
“Blogging,” he spat. “It’s nothing, just rubbish, nonsense and tripe!”
But inside their homes, the Bloggity-Bloggers were writing away,
Posting the stuff and nonsense of their day.
They had no clue what was about to go down.
They knew nothing about the theft, the hatred, the frown.
Then they heard a voice. A Grinchy sort of voice.
“Come out, come out, come out right now!” the Grinch hissed and screeched.
“There’s an emergency, a crisis!
I must see you now!
Then the Grinch put on his best Grinchy face.
He smiled, and said he’d done a deep trace.
“The problem is undesirous. Without my help, you’ll catch a virus.
Bring me your computers, and bring them now.
I need your PCs and laptops, and even your Macs.
I’ll fix them up. I’ve got your back.
To save blogging, and save it now, don’t hesitate, just act!”
So one by one, the Bloggity-Bloggers carried out their gear.
They gave the Grinch their monitors and keyboards,
Plus all their boxes and cables and such.
And when they were done, the Grinch, that louse,
Climbed into his van, leaving them nothing,
Not a hard drive,
Not even a mouse.
But before he could go, the Grinch heard a small sound, a coo.
And there at his feet stood little Cindy-Lou, a Bloggity-Blogger who was only two.
She stared at the Grinch and said, “Why, Grinchy Tech, why?”
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
“I’m taking them to my workshop, dear. I’ll fix them up there,
Then I’ll bring them back here.”
And his fib fooled the child. He patted her head, and sent her away,
Then ordered Dan to steer the Garmin for the cave.
And as they pulled out, the Grinch howled and hooted,
“Boohoo and floggity-flog. Now there’ll be no more bloggity blogs.
While they worry about spam,
I’ll be eating green eggs and ham,
Laughing about my scam!”
Up the hill they went. Dan the dog pulled the van
Until he was dog-tired, and nearly spent.
And when they reached the top at last, that mean old Grinch
Cupped a Grinchy hand to his Grinchy ear, and listened fast.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But it wasn’t sad. It was merry. Very merry.
The Grinch stared down at Bloggity-Blog.
He stared down as if through a fog.
The Grinch popped his eyes! Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!
He hadn’t stopped the blogging, he hadn’t stopped it at all.
Because the Bloggity-Bloggers had Textity-texters.
Blackberrys, iPhones, Droids and the like.
Wireless blogging devices all!
And the Grinch, with his Grinchy feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling, until his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.
“Maybe blogging,” he thought, “can’t be stopped anymore.
Maybe blogging…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then?
Well, in Bloggity-Blog, they say it was a miracle.
A real Internet tech showed up at the Grinch’s cave
Two days and two years too late.
But he installed a high-speed modem and other stuff that was great.
And the Bloggity-Bloggers say the Grinch’s bandwidth grew three sizes that day.
And the minute his computer didn’t seem so slow,
The second he could download movie clips on YouTube and all,
The Grinch whizzed downhill and straight back to town.
He brought back the desktops, the laptops, and all the Macs,
Including a pink and purple one for little Cindy-Lou from Radio Shack.
“I know what was the matter,” he told the bitsy blogger.
“I felt like a fish out of water.”
And then he…HE HIMSELF…started blogging, and did it very well.
And he grinned with Grinchy glee, as his readership swelled.
With apologies to Theodore Geisel, who was a genius.