Jesus launched his ministry when he was 30 and was brutally crucified 3 years later.
Ziva and I just agreed to begin our fall edition of 30 Days of Photographs III October 1st, and I already wish I was dead.
Of course it is. Only an idiot would draw parallels between something as significant as the Gospel and a silly non-competition like 30 Days.
Still, I can’t help but wonder why we do this. There’s no money or glory in it, just a grinding sense of desperation as we rush to post 30 photos in a row followed by the crushing realization that our lives are as meaningless as a saucepan with a hole in it.
And don’t tell me how you once turned a leaky, antique copper saucepan into an award-winning flower planter. I don’t want to hear about how crafty you are. I hate handicrafts, especially if they’re adorned with dusty-rose hearts or yellow-beaked ducks wearing pale-blue prairie bonnets. They’re not cute, or useful. They’re crap.
There are differences between this non-competition and the previous.
Because certain individuals (Nicky) complained bitterly about having to follow rules, there’s only one: You must use a photograph taken since September 1st, 2012.
Generally, however, we’d like everybody to post their photos at 6 a.m. MST, which is 15 in Finland and only god knows or cares what time in Canada, England or whatever shithole corner of the planet you inhabit. We’d like you to make good, creative pictures and avoid relying on the alchemy of photo-enhancing software like Instagram, which is to photography what Twitter is to writing novels. We’d like you post every day, especially on day 27, even if you’re seriously ill or dead. We’d like you to look at and comment on everybody’s brilliant work, finding them through a linky thingy that Ziva will post on her blog daily. We’d like you to limit accompanying posts to 250 words, preferably in English, preferably coherent.
Most of all, we’d like you not to post any stunningly beautiful pictures of birds, which are hell-bent on poking out our eyes, and scary. If you feel compelled to post photos of birds, post tastefully artistic nude photos of yourself instead. They might be frightening, but they won’t leaving us daubing our bloody, empty eye sockets with a washcloth. Not in most cases, anyway.
Naturally, you’ll be curious about the themes for this edition of 30 Days. Ziva and I agonized over them for seconds, and here they are. Feel free to file any suggestions or complaints you have about them in the form at the end of this post.
3. Above my head
15. My favorite food
29. The city
Thank you, and I hope many of you, my dear friends, choose to participate in 30 Days of Photographs III. I can’t promise it’ll be fun, but I’ll enjoy mocking you or watching Ziva lash you with her whip, and it’ll probably be better than spending a month at Gitmo getting the soles of my feet beaten with rubber hoses by the thugs at Homeland Security for criticizing conservative Republicans.
Your loving host,