As the headline to this post implies, I owe an apology to Jen at Redhead Ranting.
You see, I promised a couple of weeks ago to write a timely post about Jen’s balls.
Damn!
Now I owe Jen two apologies: one for not writing the post in time (I’ll explain why in another post) and another for a sloppy typing error that infers Jen has balls. I seriously doubt that Jen, the mother of two adorable children, has balls, at least not the kind most of you were thinking of. Although, let me hasten to add that it’s absolutely OK with me if she does have danglies where there shouldn’t be any. Live and let live, I say, and if Jen used to be Jay or is hoping to become Jay soon, then so be it. Lots of people elect to undergo gender reassignments these days, and I can only hope that s/he’ll be happy in the new body s/he seeks. After all, we all just want to be loved, right?
So, Jen, you go girl! Or, just to be absolutely safe, Jay, you go man!
Now, back to those balls.
You’re going to want to pop one or two of them into your mouth as soon as possible and roll them around on your warm tongue until you get a taste of the creamy goodness you’re expecting.
Oh, wait.
I forgot about the typo.
Awkward. (Note to journalism students: Mistakes often have compounding effects that lead to other mistakes, such as accidentally writing porno when you’re supposed to be helping out a friend.)
This is what I'm talking about.
Look, folks, I’m terribly sorry about all this confusion. To be perfectly clear, it’s not just “balls.” It’s RUM balls. As in sugary Christmas confections.
Allow me to explain.
Jen is a single mom. She isn’t rich, and she doesn’t have a regular job because she needs to work out of her home so she can take care of her kids. So Jen makes money a lot of different ways, including ghost writing for other bloggers, writing product reviews, and selling advertising on her website.
This year, Jen also decided to try making and selling holiday treats to help pay her bills (which are probably pretty steep if she really is having that surgery we discussed earlier). So she’s whipped up batches of rum balls, fudge and sugar cookies and made them available to ordinary, baking-impaired people like you and me. You can buy these treats from her right here and, in my opinion, you should.
Why?
Well, I’m no food critic, although I’ve been paid to be one in professional magazines and newspapers for decades, but Jen’s treats are very, very tasty. I got a sample box of Jen’s treats in the mail a couple of weeks ago, and I ate the entire box—including some of the packing material–in less than 2 minutes. They were that good. I particularly enjoyed the rum balls. They were coated in powdered sugar and tasted strongly of rum. In fact, from where I laid on the floor for about 30 minutes after eating them, they reminded me of my Grandmother Whiteman’s balls.
Damn!
I definitely need to take a remedial typing class.
My Grandma Whiteman didn’t have balls, either. Not the kind you were thinking of, at least. Not that I know of, anyway. Although, if she did….oh, forget about it. Look, although it’s probably too late to get Jen’s treats for Christmas, please visit her website right now and order some for your New Year’s celebration.
And be sure to drop Jen a note of encouragement, too. Because regardless of whatever weird stuff she’s going through right now, I’m sure we’d all agree it’s not easy to be a man trapped in a woman’s body, or a woman trapped in a man’s body, or even a woman trapped in a woman’s body.
Even if you eat a lot of rum balls to help you cope with it.
Jen’s balls are fabulous!
Aren’t they, though?
I agree, her balls are delicious.
WAIT..she makes food?!?
Bourbon balls.
I’ve tasted Jen’s balls and they are good. But her fudge? Out of this world. (oh NO….)
I don’t want to know anything about this.
Good job, Mike, and poor Jen….er..Jay for having to wait so long for the review!
You might not want to stop by Bee’s Musings today. She explains how they are made and it looks a bit painful.
Oh, now I have to stop by Bee’s Musings. I hope it’s not too horrible.
Wow Mike, I don’t really know what to say except I am not having, nor have I ever had, gender reassignment surgery. I am perfectly happy with the gender I was originally assigned. However, don’t for a moment think I don’t have balls. I can look pathetic to get a tire changed by some hapless guy on the road any day. And you don’t want to piss me off either (I’m a redhead). Now that we have that cleared up thank you for writing a very humorous post about my Bourbon Balls. Bourbon, Rum…what’s the difference eh?
Also, I am finished baking for the season so please don’t order anymore. I might do this again next year so you can rerun this then, maybe a little earlier? Thanks and I do hope everything is ok in your world.
I’m not a guy.
I actually a little scared of you now, as I am of most women, especially redheads.
And you’re right about the balls, of course. Bourbon it was. I was a little hungover after eating them, and got confused.
Also, let me hasten to add once again that I’m very sorry about posting my review so late. I really did have a couple of good reasons, which I’ll explain later. Is there something I could do to make it up to you? Change a tire? Advertise something else for you? I’m at your disposal…..
Dang Mike! Not only do you forget to do the ball review earlier now you got us all wondering… Jen, Jay, Jack, Jacque?
JUST KIDDING!
I’m just jealous, cuz she’s got beautiful red hair!
Red whiskers would much less conspicuous on ME than my black ones.
Reminds me. I need a tweezer.
I didn’t forget to do the review, I couldn’t do the review. I had issues, as I’ve had all year long, that prevented me from writing anything for about a week and a half. That’s why I disappeared on the Internet.
And Quirky, never forget that whiskers of any color are very attractive on a woman, especially in the Eastern Block countries.
It sounds like Jen’s balls are really getting around the blogisphere. Nooter got drunk from eating them and now you? Oh and never underestimate us redheads.
Never underestimate a woman. Period.
very timely as I just saw Pete’s Sweaty Balls on SNL and our website sponsored a golf outing this year with the slogan “Don’t forget to wash your balls”. I know, it’s amazing I’m noting writing for SNL myself.
Redhead Jenn is awesome and the fact she is using balls for business, well that’s just smart business.
Balls are America’s future.
I hate rum balls (they always end up tasting like they’ve been marinated in kerosene), but I like cookies and fudge.
I especially liked the chocolate fudge frosted cookies that the sweet little old ladies have been bringing to the salon this week.
Mom and I have sugar crystals attaching to our blood cells even as we speak.
I don’t even have blood anymore. It’s just liquid sugar.
Fickmaus katja brauchts in alle Löcher – Schwanzgeiles Fickluder lässt sich alle Löcher stopfen