I won some kind of new-fangled writing award. I forget exactly who gave it to me, but I think it was Leeuna over at My Wandered—and it never came back!, 00odozo at When I Reach, Ziva at Ziva’s Inferno, Frank Lee MeiDere at I Don’t Give a Damn or Nicky, Mike and Jepeto at We Work for Cheese. Or it might have been all seven of them. Not that it matters—I love them all equally, just like my children and wives.
I mean wife.
I’m not one of those crazy Mormon polygamists.
Or maybe I am. How do you know I’m not a crazy Mormon polygamist, a devout devotee of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and Rulon Jeffs, the eighth prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?
You don’t.
Jeffs had 19 to 65 wives, about 60 children and one awe-inspiring penis. Seriously. Could you blame me for looking up to Jeffs? I mean, you have to respect a guy who can keep 19 to 65 wives satisfied, even if he was the dirty-minded leader of a relatively obscure cult. That dude was prolific in ways that I can’t even imagine.
Well, actually, I can imagine it, but I shouldn’t because that’s just wrong.
Rulon Jeffs and two of his 19 to 65 wives. I really like their matching outfits. And hairdos. And the weird finger thingys they have growing out of their shoulders.
Anyway, one of the wonderful things about the Internet is that it’s filled with creative writers and creative liars—men pretending to be lesbians, women pretending to be women interested in men who are pretending to be lesbians, and hermaphrodites pretending to be award-winning sous chefs. As I understand it, the reason my friends gave me this award is because they think I’m either an imaginative writer or a despicable liar, or both.
One of the conditions of accepting the award is that I’m required to tell you six outrageous lies and one total truth. Or six outrageous truths and one bold-faced lie.
Okay, I can do that. Here’s the list:
1) I once spent a week in Utah’s rugged mountains helping a team of technical climbers and law enforcement officers investigate a mysterious death.
2) My brother is a wealthy former fashion model who is the world’s largest private collector of a particular type of antique furniture.
3) I once held the world record for having the largest collection of business cards.
4) I once spent a week searching for Bigfoot in the heavily wooded, swampy area of east Texas known as the Big Thicket.
5) I recently went to Dairy Queen with the widow of the commander of the space shuttle Columbia. She had a medium chocolate-dip cone. I had a medium chocolate M&M Blizzard with malt.
6) I once traveled to Geneva, Switzerland as a member of a German judo team.
7) I wanted to be musician when I was younger, and took years of classical and jazz guitar lessons.
Now, just to make this slightly more interesting, if any of you can guess which statement or statements are true and which statement or statements are false, I’ll send you a prize—something like a million dollars or a new car, except cheaper and less desirable.
Another condition of accepting the prize is that I have to pass it on to seven other bloggers. But I’m too lazy to do that, so I’m just going to give it to Rena over The Couch Sessions and Kam at Typewriters and Fools. Rena recently started blogging again, although she’s always been such a sporadic poster that I’m not sure I trust she’s going to keep it up this time. In fact, she might not even be Rena, she might be Rena’s cousin, Kam, who recently lost her Internet connection and probably stormed across the back 40 to kill Rena with a large meat cleaver in order to get access to her high-speed modem.
One more thing: In the interests of encouraging honesty—and also to prove that I don’t make up everything I write—I’m also going to offer to let each and every one of you ask me a question that I promise to answer honestly, or as honestly as I can given that I don’t want the authorities to find out about my wives. Authorities frown on that sort of thing.
Wow, Mike…or is it Loretta…that’s a difficut one.
You, unlike the others I’ve been guessing…didn’t elaborate much, so there’s not much writing style for me to go on…so this is much harder for me to try to figure out.
I’m going to go with Number 1 is the truth…altho I’m leaning toward the Space Shuttle one as well.
And if you tell me that all of them are lies…I’m going to have to hit you.
Keep in mind that one of these statements may be true, the remaining six false. Conversely, six of them may be true, and one false. I know that’s complicated, but that’s how the game was explained to me.
Okie dokie, Mike. If I am to assume they are all true with one exception – the exception would be the “Business Card” one. Seems too illogical and you have to get those Guinness people over to verify it and it’s all really a big silly deal. So…all are true except that business card one.
Or that German Judo one is the lie.
Dammit…trying to work this out under Ambien-influence is hard for my little brain.
I’m having a hard time figuring out how Rulon Jeffs could possibly keep 65 wives satisfied. In order to scientifically research this odd statemement, I got my old trusty slide rule out of hiding and went to work. Now, if a month has 31 days and Jeffs had 65 wives, it would take him over two months to make love to them all provided he made love to one wife every night. This can’t be right, I would NOT be satisfied with once every two months, so logic has it that he must have made love to more than one wife every night. Were he to make love to two wives every night, the wives would be satisfied about once a month. This can’t be right either, I would NOT be satisfied with once a month. Three wives every night would amount to some action once every three weeks, while five wives a night would provide the wives with sweet love once every two weeks. Twice a month seems a little cheap to me, you’d think Jeffs would be more generous with his awe-inspiring penis. For the poor wives to be satisfied at least once every week, Jeffs would have to boink nine or ten wives every day. Counting in 8 hours for sleep, 8 hours for work, 3 hours for stuff like eating, going to the bathroom, getting dressed, showering, brushing teeth, taking care of 60 kids and seeing to the friction burns on his awe-inspiring penis, that leaves Jeffs with 5 hours every day to make love to his wives, provided of course that every day has 24 hours. If he has 5 hours and ten wives to satisfy, he would have 30 minutes to spend with each wife. And since the average male can keep going for about 6 minutes, that should be plenty.
Therefore, I am very surprised to tell you that it is entirely possible to satisfy 65 wives, once a week for each wife. Huh. You’ll need lots of Viagra, of course.
Now, about those lies… I am firmly of the belief that each and every one of them is a lie. Except #7. Or #5. Or #4. Okay, I know I’m going to have to choose one, so I’m going with #5 as the truth.
And we’re allowed to ask you a question and you promise to tell the truth? That’s very brave. I could ask you anything, like if you’re really Mike, and you would have to answer truthfully. Unfortunately, I’m all out of brain today and can’t think of anything even remotely interesting to ask. Can I take a rain check on that question and come back later? And no, that wasn’t my question.
You put much more thought into Rulon Jeffs’ sex life than I would’ve expected. But it is interesting to think about, isn’t it? The I figure it, the man tapped one wife in morning, another at lunch, and another after dinner in an endless cycle that was only interrupted by late-term pregnancy, illness and the monthly visitations.
Funny that you can’t think of a question to ask me. I can’t help but wonder–Am I really that dull?
Also, I think I might have chosen the wrong truth earlier… Suddenly I’m strongly leaning towards #6 being true. Weird that.
And you silly nut, you’re not dull. On the contrary, you’re way more interesting than most people. You probably said only one question per person, but I kinda feel like asking 11. You might recognize these from somewhere:
1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What turns you on?
4. What turns you off?
5. What sound or noise do you love?
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
7. What is your favorite curse word?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
11. How awesome is Ziva?
1. Fuck, because it’s so versatile. It’s a noun, a verb, an adjective and more. I can only wish I were that flexible.
2. It’s either Goddammit or Blog. I don’t like to take the Lord’s name in vain, and Blog is just downright unpleasant sounding.
3. Long romantic walks along the beach in the moonlight. Or Swedish twins and a bottle of oil. Either one.
4. Details. Niggling details. Life’s full of them, and I hate them.
5. I love music of all kinds, but especially guitar music, especially if it has Spanish folk/flamenco influences. Lately, though, I’ve been taken with the sound of The Black Keys. There’s something about that fuzzed-out, bluesy, Neil Youngian sound that really gets me going.
6. I hate the sound of a vacuum cleaner. I blame my mother for this. She used to vacuum at least twice a day, and often woke me up at the crack of noon by vacuuming my room.
7. Fuck. I should live in New York City.
8. There are many things I’d like to try if I had the talent or could make money at it: Musician, race driver, woodworker, radio DJ (I actually tried that last one a couple of years ago). I’m also interested in mediation, and it’s been suggested to me that I’d be good at it, but I’m not so sure. I’m afraid I’d be like, “Oh, fuck this shit, you fucking assholes. Get your shit together before I fuck you both over.”
9. I would not want to be a whore or an accountant. Both professions strike me as being very challenging, rather repetitive, and often messy.
10. Welcome, Mike! The buffet’s open 24 hours a day, but first you might want to get a massage, figure out which planets you’d like to visit this year, and check in with the people who will be taking care of your laundry and housekeeping.
11. How awesome is Ziva? Let me count the ways. She is awesome to the depth and breadth and height/My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight/
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. She is awesome to the level of everyday’s/Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. She is awesome freely, as men strive for Right; She is awesome purely, as they turn from Praise. She is awesome with a passion put to use/In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. She is awesome with a love I seemed to lose/
With my lost saints, — she is awesome to the breath,/Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose, she is awesome even beyond death.
Wow, I don’t think anyone has ever recited a poem for me before. You are one of a kind, Mike. (Not sure Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote that poem for a three-armed green Finnish girl, but I’ll take it anyway!)
We are so much alike, you and me – Swedish twins and a bottle of oil totally does it for me too. Fucking great answers.
I’m pretty sure Browning spent most of her free time dreaming about three-armed Finnish girls. Or Swedish twins and a bottle of oil. She was what you might call progressive.
Ziva – You forgot to figure wives in like me who would be happy as a clam to never have sex. So, if he had a few of us…that would narrow down his job considerably. And considering he was probably creepy as hell, I’m figuring there were a lot more women wanting him NOT to touch them than to touch them.
I just took a closer look at the picture of Jeffs and I realized that you are absolutely right. If my husband looked like that, I would probably be satisfied with sex once every ten years, or whenever I wanted to pop out another baby.
Maybe he only had sex with them once, or only one at time until they had a baby. Then he got a new wife.
Never?
Never. Long story. It begins with…I once married a guy named Doug…
I can’t wait to read that story.
I don’t understand 19 to 65 wives. How many wives did he have?
I was wondering about that remark as well…until this fact dawned on me: Any man who marries more than one woman has gotta be a bit mental…so if he married 19 of them, by then he was pretty much off his rocker and basically a mass of quivering Jell-o in the brain. 19 or 65…it’s all the same to a person with absolutely no working neurons.
And sure, you’d think the women were told by him to dress the same and fix their hair the same – like he had some weird Svengali thing over them. But I bet they just did it to fuck with him. Oh, they’d be laughing and laughing as he had no clue if it was Cindy or Sally or Sue. You know they were messing with his mind by then and finding more interesting ways to “Gaslight Gaslight” whatever was left of his sanity.
People aren’t sure how many wives he had because it’s illegal and he kept it secret. But it’s estimated that he had at least 19 wives, and as many as 65. Apparently, they’re more confident about how many kids he had, and that was 33 boys and 27 girls. I wonder if he was able to remember all their names, let alone their birthdays?
I’d offer to be your fifth wife. I don’t clean, cook or do windows, but I suppose I could do your laundry every once in a while… but not the other four wives’. Maybe you could give me some guitar lessons, since I figure that’s the one on your list that’s gotta be true.
Thank you kindly, CatLady. I’ve been hankering for a fifth wife, and I do have a lot of laundry to do.
I could believe #1, ’cause yer real smart. And you watch The Mentalist and Castle.
I could believe #2, ’cause, honestly, look at your avatar. One good-lookin’ former man, so your brother must be too.
I could believe #3, ’cause when you’re that hot and smart, women must constantly be giving you their cards with their measurements and home phone numbers on the back.
I could believe #4, ’cause even tho you’re hot and smart, you’re a guy and guys are weird.
I could believe #5, ’cause everybody loves ice cream.
I could believe #6, ’cause you were probably on a mission…oh, have I said too much?
I could believe #7, ’cause women love guys in the band. Or guys that play instruments. Or guys that know what instruments are.
I really want the million dollars. So, while I could believe all of them, I’ll go with #4 as the truth, because I don’t just believe that you are weird, I know it
As for my question, I kept vacillating between serious and silly. So here are both, you choose which one you want to answer:
1) What are you most proud of?
2) What feeling do you get when you bite into a York Peppermint Patty?
Please let me know when I can pick up my prize!
What am I most proud of? I’m not sure how to answer that question, as I’m proud of many things, most of them external to myself. At the moment, I think I’d have to say that I’m most proud of my wife, who nearly died six months ago or so, but has recovered, is working full time and still manages to keep me and kids in line. She’s truly an amazing person.
The sensation I get when I bite into a York Peppermint Patty is also difficult to describe because it’s so fleeting. The peppermint creates an initial rush of taste and smell that travels down my tongue and up my nose and gives me a head rush similar to the head rush you get from smelling salts or wasabi. It’s completely overwhelming for a few seconds–orgasmic in its quality, really–then it passes and is replaced by both the comforting sweetness of the chocolate and the slippery-creamy texture of the filling. Finally, of course, my mouth is filled–even overloaded–with minty-chocolaty sweetness from the lips to the back of my throat.
Maybe I should have phrased the first question a little differently. Not that your answer was disappointing. Maybe I should have asked what is your one crowning accomplishment? Besides convincing such a wonderful woman to be your wife that is
And winning a prize over at WWFC, of course!
Yeah, that is my very conspicuous way of saying YOU WON!!
I don’t have a crowning accomplishment unless you include surviving. I’m basically a nobody who ain’t never done nothin’ worth talkin’ about.
There is that prize I won over at your place, though…..
I’m filled with hope!
Number five is the truth. But they’re all oddly believable.
If I’m wrong, Mike, I’ll write a post on any topic you give me.
Done and done.
I’ll go with numbers 1, 2, and 7 as being the truthful ones. Just guessing really.
Of course you’re guessing, Knuck. You don’t really know me, and I’m deliberately trying to make it difficult for you to tell what the truth is.
I have to say that “particular type of antique furniture” has a ring of sincerity about it. So that one sounds awfully suspect as the truth to me as well.
Dammit, Mike, you really needed to elaborate on each one for me to get a good feel for the real one.
It’s best to avoid elaborating when you’re trying to fool somebody. This is why cops like to interview suspects for hours on end. The more you say, the more likely you are to tip somebody off to the truth.
Having said that, I am surprised that “particular type of antique furniture” sounds more authentic to you than something more specific, such as, “Victorian furniture made by George Orwell.” I wonder if that’s true for everybody–that lack of specificity sounds truer than specificity? If so, it might explain how presidents get elected. Sometimes it seems that the more general they are, the more likely they are to be successful.
It’s true, though. If these are six truths and one lie, then I’d have to go with that one being true, and for exactly the same reason. I think “a particular type of antique furniture” sound more authentic partly because it would be so easy to just name a specific type if you were lying. Also, it has the sound of a quiz show question:
“This famous crooner tried making a name for himself as an artist as well by painting a particular type of circus performer looking sad.”
“Who is Frank Sinatra?”
But in either event, my money (so to speak) is still riding on #5.
I see what you mean. Interesting that liars may identify themselves with specificity. Better to be general, then, if you kill somebody and want to hide the truth. Not that I’ve killed anybody. Lately.
Congrats on the award. Like they say figures don’t lie but some liars can figure. Who is “they” anyway? I don’t think you looked for Big Foot in Big Thicket. Big Forest maybe, but not Big Thicket. And my question: Is there anything you wouldn’t do for a Klondike Bar? As for Jeffs, what a big dink!
There are many things I wouldn’t do for a Klondike bar. I wouldn’t cut off my arm, for example, or clean the toilet with my tongue. Now for TWO Klondike bars, however, I might be a little more open to certain activities…
There’s only ONE truth?
I’m saying it’s the last one: the guitar playing.
Guitar playing can be soooo sexy. Do you think Rulon plays the guitar? Is that how he keeps ALL his wives so happy?
From:
Quirkyloon, A Mormon!
hee hee
It was not my experience that women found guitar playing sexy.
I must have really sucked at it, or been completely unaware of how I was affecting the ladies.
I’m going with unaware.
Whoa! Those are some serious whoppers, except #1 or #4. If it’s #4, I want to hear more. A brother of a friend did a documentary on Big Foot in Texas.
Ziva obviously has too much time on her hands.
I’m not a Mormon but I think I could play one on TV.
I know, right? I really should to do something more constructive with my time. Like blogging.
Yup, if you want to get ahead in life, blogging’s definitely where you need to spend your time.
So are you going with #1 or #4 as your answer?
Ziva has too many hands on her hands, what with having three arms and all.
Congratulations on your award! I think #1 is true and the others are false.
Here are some questions that I’d like answered but if they are too personal, feel free to exchange them for other questions. I’m open minded like that (or is it flexible?)
What genre of movies do you like?
Are you an optimist?
Do you like sushi?
Are you a sports fan?
Where are your parents from?
Thank you for playing along. I’m starting to feel like Allen Ludden.
Movie genre: I love movies in general–it’s a million-dollar experience for the price of a ticket–but I’m very partial to science fiction movies. Fiction, too.
Optimist?: This is a tough one for me to answer. Generally, I’d say I have a cheerful disposition. But I also feel strongly that bad things inevitably happen, and it’s easy for me to predict the worst-case scenario in any given situation. I’ve been accused of being a pessimist for holding that outlook, but I prefer to describe myself as a neither an optimistic nor pessimistic. I’m a realist.
Sushi?: Oh, yes, and I’ve actually been eating a lot of it lately. I don’t have a favorite, but I love the pickeled ginger and the wasabi, and the beauty of the presentation fascinates me. It’s an oral and visual feast.
Sports fan?: Not really. I’m almost embarassed to admit that I love boxing, though, especially from Ali’s time, which I consider the glorious tail end of boxing’s Golden Era. I’m one of those weird people who watches replays of old boxing matches, and I own documentaries about Ali, who was a larger-than-life, fascinating character to me. I also really enjoy hockey, partly because my son is a stud hockey player with pro potential. I am a classic hockey dad, and I can assure you that even as I type this reply, I’m waiting for the break between periods in the sixth game between Chicago and the Flyers to be over so I can get back to the Stanely Cup playoffs. Usually, though, I feel totally lost around other men when it comes to sports. I’d much rather discuss cooking, or home design, or art and music. I’m just wired that way.
Parents: My mother is English, and London is where she was born and reared–and I think we all know how painful that can be. My father is an American, originally from Missouri, but he grew up in Colorado, where he and my mother now live after living all over the Western United States and Europe when I was young. Because of my upbringing, I consider myself a man of the world more than an American. My loyalties are to people, not countries.
P.S. — The best-read article I’ve written for this blog was about last year’s Stanley Cup playoffs. It gets hundreds of hits a day. Weird.
All lies, except for #7. It could be the musician in me speaking, but that’s the one that had truth written all over it.
So while I have music on the brain, I ask you: What album does it for you every time no matter how much you hear it?
That’s a very interesting question, and extremely difficult for me to answer because I’m such a huge music fan–I have roughly 27,000 songs on iTunes, one for each of my moods. But let me see if I can boil it down to a few albums.
I am a huge Bob Dylan fan, and love his albums Blonde on Blonde, Blood on the Tracks, Good As I Been To You, Desire, Hard Rain, Infidels, Modern Times, Slow Train Coming, Street Legal and World Gone Wrong. His body of work could be my music library in a pinch, I guess.
Tool, Audioslave, Led Zeppelin, the Squirrel Nut Zippers, The Black Keys, R.L. Burnside and any number of blues musicians like James Blood Ulmer, Michael Powers, John Lee Hooker and the Rev. Gary Davis totally turn my crank, but I’m also very fond of Solomon Burke, Steve Earle, Johnny Cash, Teddy Thompson and his dad Richard Thompson, Cake, Leon Redbone, and another relatively obscure band called Calexico–I get everything they release and love all of it. I love Lou Reed for his lyrics, and his downbeat drones.
I’m also a huge Tom Waits fan and love everything he’s done since Heart Attack and Vine. Pure genius, and very entertaining, like the Violent Femmes, Joe Strummer and the Clash.
Then there’s Neil Young, both the garage band Young, and the acoustic Young. Rust Never Sleeps is probably my favorite Young album. Cracker is another favorite, so is Dean Martin, Dire Straits, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones in their middle years, Mark Knopfler (the greatest living guitarist), Ennio Morricone, the Holmes Brothers, J.J. Cale, the Blind Boys of Alabama and the incomparable Hank Williams and Woody Guthrie.
It would be hard for me to ignore Lucinda Williams, who makes me cry as much as Waits. But I’m also extremely enamoured with a relatively obscure group, and all of its individual members, called the Be Good Tanyas. I go away from their albums for a month or two, but always return. Same with another indie who goes by the name of Cat Power. I’m infatuated with Cat’s sound, and her ability to morph old songs into new songs.
But I guess if I had to pick just one album, I’d just kill myself. It’s too hard.
P.S. — Great question, Mike. I really had to think about that one, and will continue to think about it for quite a while. I’ve been totally focused on a few Dylan albums, a country album by Teddy Thompson and the Be Good Tanyas albums for a few years now, interspersed with a lot of blues music, which I always return to no matter what else I’m listening to. It is the root of all modern rock music, in my opinion, although I also hear a lot of folk influences in some songs these days. I also went through a cowboy music phase a while back that lasted about two years. I’m talking Gene Autrey, Roy Rogers and the boys, not the Toby Keith crap you hear on the radio now.
I don’t much like pop music–Britney Spears and the like–but I heard Christina Aquilera on Letterman tonight and loved the song. I also get obsessed with certain rap songs from time to time, like Jesus Walks by Kanye and a lot of songs by Wyclef Jean, who’s more of a fusion artist than a rap artist in my opinion.
Classical guitar music is always quite moving to me, both emotionally and intellectually because I’m so impressed with what people like Segovia, Montoya and Parkening can do with six strings and two hands.
Yeah, I couldn’t answer that question with any real accuracy myself. I can always go back to blues, and blues based stuff. You mentioned a few of my faves, like Calexico, Stones (anything with Mick Taylor), and Tom Waits. I’m forever indebted to one of my buddies for introducing me to Calexico. Junior Kimbrough is another one.
Lucinda Williams and Cat Power both kill me. I saw Lucinda live a few years ago, and was blown away by how raw her performance was.
I’m also a huge fan of Daniel Lanois, more for his original stuff than for what he’s produced. Bastard got himself into a motorcycle accident this week and canceled his summer tour. Here’s hoping he recovers well.
But yeah, impossible to pin it down. If I had to choose 1 single album, I’d bend the rules to allow a personal CD sampler of all my faves.
Junior Kimbrough is great, and so is Daniel Lanois. I like Lanois’ original music a lot, but I also think he’s a great producer. I think I have just about every album he’s produced since U2′s The Unforgettable Fire. I wish he would do more original material, because he’s so creative. I guess that might be hard for a while thanks to the accident.
I’ve never seen Lucinda in concert, but I’d love to. You’re the second person in a week to mention the raw power of her live performances.
Also, a sampler would have to be it for me. A really large sampler. Like an entire iPod’s worth of samples.
I definitely feel like #7 is the true one.
The whole guitar thing just rings “true” with me somehow.
I can’t think of a decent question right now… I’ll need to ponder this further.
Stay tuned.
I’m waiting.
Ok…
1. Of all the questions you imagined people might ask here, what is the one you dreaded the most?
2. And, once you’ve identified that question, please go ahead and answer it.
Thank you.
I didn’t dread any question. I don’t dread anything except locks.
Au contraire, mon frere!
Everyone dreads something.
For example, if it was me, I’d be mortified if…
Wait… what?
Locks?
You dread locks?
Combination locks? Locks of hair? The Soo Locks in the Great Lakes? People whose last name is Lock? Bagels with Lox? The Loch Ness Monster?
Do tell.
Something, yes. Questions, no.
I don’t mind locks of hair, the Soo Locks, or people named Lock, and I actually love Bagels and Lox and the Loch Ness Monster.
I think it’s Goldilocks I dread. Her perky self-centeredness, petty thievery and unwillingness to face the bears she wronged is troublesome. It’s a metaphor for modern society, and it depresses me.
P.S. — But wait. You’d be moritified if what? Now I must know, dear Janna!
Ah, but you didn’t mention combination locks… or padlocks.
So this must mean your secret fear is really that someone will discover you kidnapped Goldilocks and you’re keeping her padlocked out in the nearest shed until she repents of her misdeeds and pays back all the porridge she stole.
I expect to see you on MSNBC or CNN any day now.
God forbid it should be on FOX news.
When you’ve spent as much time behind bars as I have, locks definitely become intimidating. And please don’t talk about FOX “News.” Talk about intimidating and frightening.
Nertz. I’m always late to a party, kinda like that I’m so easily confused. I’ll agree with Janna – my guess is #7 is true, merely because of all that verbiage between you and CheesyMike about music. Heh heh. I don’t know if you would like her, but Leona Boyd is a world renown classical guitarist.
I also need some time to munch on a question to ask.
Interesting guess, but I could be diverting your attention in a totally obvious way. And don’t forget that six things can be true, one false, or six statements false and only one true.
I’m familiar with Liona. She and Charro, who is also a fine classical/flamenco guitarist, put the sexy back into the the genre.
Wow! An award! I’m blushing. Although I am rather frightened by the fact that you think I own a meat cleaver. And that I use it on people. Pay no attention to the serial killer behind the curtain.
Well, you look sweet and innocent in your avatar. That makes you the prime suspect in my book. The worst killers are the ones who smile at you while they’re plunging the cleaver into your neck.
Well I can tell you this, it sure wasn’t Jen from Redhead Ranting that gave you the award! Love your comment about the internet being filled with writers and liars… oh so true!
I know, right? Jen sorta hurt my feelings with that one. She never thinks of me anymore now that she’s a bigwig on the Internet.
I couldn’t decide so I did the “einney meinney miney mo,catch a liar by the toe, bla, bla, bla,” thing, and it landed on #4. However I still don’t know if it is the one truth or the one lie. sheesh!
1. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
There are many things I would do for a Klondike bar. I’d walk down to the nearest 7-Eleven in the dead of night, for example,and plunk down my spare change for one. I’d stand up in a crowded church on Sunday and shout Hallelujah! at inappropriate moments. I’d mow the grass.
I think 4 and 6 are lies. The rest are true. But what kind of fashion model was our brother? I think that he hasn’t shown us the pictures so he was THAT kind of fashion model. I want my prize! I want my prize!
I don’t think I’m supposed to let relatives play along. You know me, remember?
Congrats on the award! I have been offline for a week, and since your post above already gives the real answers, obviously I arrived here too late to play along. Dammit.
I understand being offline. I’ve been out of commission for weeks, and I’m only just now recovering. Trying to catch up on my reading…. *cough*