Have you heard of a Canon EOS Mark II 5D?
Don’t feel bad. I hadn’t, either. Not until Ziva Moon at Ziva’s Inferno dropped me a note to let me know she bought one.
It’s some kind of fancy camera. Comes with an iron-clad guarantee that it’ll make Ansel Adams’ work look like the cheesy Polaroids your besotted college roommate took back in ’92 at the bubble party in Cancun.
I don’t own a fancy camera. I’m still using Adams’ old equipment. Not his good stuff. The junk he angrily threw off El Capitan at Yosemite National Park in 1952. It’s amazing what you can fix with a little chewing gum and duct tape.
I should’ve considered my equipment issues more carefully when Ziva recently invited me to participate in 30 Days of Photographs II, a sequel to the photo meme (I don’t know what meme means, either, so don’t ask me) that nearly killed both of us last year. Ziva could take award-winning photos with a broken ballpoint pen and carbon paper. But her new camera gizmo scares me.
You might remember our previous artistic excursion into the creative unknown.
Every day for 30 days, we posted carefully composed, beautifully lit photos to fit the meme’s themes. Or some kind of photo. Any photo, even if it sucked. Ziva’s were great. But at one point, I got so desperate for photos, I searched my neighbor’s trash looking for the rejects from his kid’s birthday party. You can see my photos starting here, but my “best” ones are here, here, here, here, here and here.
Trust me when I tell you that it’s really, really, really hard to post 30 half-decent photographs in a row.
That didn’t stop Ziva and me from willingly taking up the challenge again. Nor has it stopped a host of our bestus blogging buddies from joining the fray—I mean, fun—this year, including: Nicky and Mike at We Work for Cheese, Mo at MaddOg.org, Meleah at Momma Mia, Mea Culpa, John at nonamedufus, Bryan at Unfinished, Mariann at Blogged Down at the Moment, Malisa at Moonlight Hollow Pent-Up Photos, Nora at Door in Face, and LaughingMom at Where’s the Funny Here?
You can join, too.
In fact, please do.
It’ll be fun.
Oh, let’s be honest. It won’t be fun. It’ll be better than dying of boredom, and sometimes that’s the best you can hope for in life.
Please keep in mind that this isn’t a competition. There’s no winner, no prize or cash reward. No reward at all, in fact, unless you consider frustration and madness an incentive. If you do want to play, however, here are the rules, and they are inviolate:
1) The contest begins April 1st, also known as April Fools’ Day, and ends April 30th. We don’t care about whatever obligations you have on Easter or Tax Day, so stop whining and shut up. We know you’re a writer—a carefree soul who just wants to share your unique life insights with the world—but make a commitment and stick with it for once.
2) You must post a single photo—one per blogger per blog, not two or three or 10—that has something to do with the day’s theme, even if it’s a photo of a cat, and therefore worthless. If you miss a day, you can’t make it up because, to misquote the 1970s band Kansas, “You closed your eyes, only for a moment, and the moment was gone.”
3) Post your day’s photo at 6 a.m. Mountain Standard Time. If you live in another time zone, you’ll have to do the math to figure out what time that is. If you can’t do the math because you’re a writer not a mathematician, then you’re shit out of luck. I’d also suggest that throw yourself off the nearest bridge because you’re clearly a worthless sack of shit who will never make it in the real world.
4) Any photo taken since March 1st, 2012 qualifies for the non-competition. When we say any photo, we mean any photo whatsoever as long as you took the photo yourself and it fits the day’s theme in some way, even in an illogical, tenuous way that would make Charles Manson seem like Stephen Hawking. That includes nude photos, which are not only allowed, but encouraged.
5) All photos—especially the bad ones—may be accompanied by a witty, meaningful or utterly incoherent post of up to 250 words. Or no post at all, we don’t care. I have promised Ziva to obey this rule, even though I’m known in our blogging circles as “the blogger who doesn’t understand that nobody wants to read a 3,300-word post about the day he caught his high school girlfriend kissing his best friend, let alone an 970-word post explaining this 30 Days of Photographs II meme.”
And now for the list of the all-important themes for the meme (Again, I have no idea what meme means, and again, please don’t ask me. Also, don’t tell me, either. I don’t care what it means. It’s a stupid non-word, and I consider it my life’s penultimate goal to eliminate its use.):
Day 1: Silence
Day 2: Architecture
Day 3: From An Ant’s Perspective
Day 4: The experiment
Day 5: Power
Day 6: Tragedy
Day 7: Mirror
Day 8: A stranger
Day 9: Something I hate
Day 10: Waiting
Day 11: Wheels
Day 12: Fear
Day 13: Pleasure
Day 14: Forty-two
Day 15: Wood
Day 16: Ordinary matters
Day 17: Time
Day 18: Fire
Day 19: White
Day 20: Bird
Day 21: Moon
Day 22: Portrait
Day 23: Fish tales
Day 24: Crowd
Day 25: The future
Day 26: My toothbrush
Day 27: Nude
Day 28: Outlier
Day 29: Lines
Day 30: The Devil
Okay, I think that’s it. If you have any questions, please ask Ziva, because I don’t want to answer any questions. I raised four kids and work for the U.S. government, and I’m done with questions. People say there are no dumb questions, but people are wrong. There are stupid questions, lots of them. I’ve heard them all, and I’m sick and tired of dealing with the idiots who ask them.
Thank, and good luck! You’ll need it.