Nobody’s free.
I like to think I am, of course. Most Americans do, especially on a day like today, which was just an ordinary Fourth of July like every other Fourth of July until we kicked England’s ass in the American Revolution and made it Independence Day, the Fourth of July.
But what is freedom?
America. Fuck, yeah.
If it means doing whatever I want, whenever I want, then I haven’t been free since…well, not since I was one-half of a zygote swimming toward ecstasy. All I have to do to remind myself that I’m not free is glance at my cable TV bill. Given what I’m paying to watch House Hunters International and American Pickers, I’d say America is more the Land of the Fee than the Land of the Free.
Part of the problem is that freedom is poorly defined.
To the 13th-century Scottish knight William Wallace and his rowdy band of haggis-eating troublemakers, for instance, freedom meant squirming out from under British rule, not to mention letting their stout naughty bits dangle loosely beneath their kilts. We fought the American Revolution nearly 400 years later for similar reasons, although our puritanical Yankees dressed modestly in breeches and waistcoats even while graciously allowing some of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” Militia of the day to boldly stick feathers in their caps and call them macaroni—a subtle nod to the period’s cutting-edge Italian fashion designers.
But there are many other measures of freedom in addition to rebelling against a nation that loves its monarchs, grossly overcooks its vegetables and uses silly, unintelligible words and phrases like codswallop, arse-over-tit, sally forth, rumpy pumpy, peckish and shambolic.
Consider issues like civil liberties, freedom of the press, lack of government corruption and business regulations, for example.
How do silly men like this get to be dictators of countries like North Korea?
By these standards, America performs well globally, especially compared to the world’s most peckish and shambolic countries like North Korea and Somalia, which suffer from a lagging tourist trade because of their routine muggings, false imprisonments, terrorist bombings and land mines. Uzbekistan in Central Asia isn’t the most idyllic honeymoon destination either, partly because it gets shot at all the time by marauders in Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan, which fiercely compete with it for the title of World’s Most Awesome Scrabble Word Ever.
Still, America’s freedom is trending downward, according to studies like Freedom House’s annual Freedom Report or the Wall Street Journal’s Index of Economic Freedom. We routinely fall behind arguably socialist countries like Canada, Norway, Finland, Sweden, Ireland, Portugal, Uruguay and Bardados. We’re also trailing Liechtenstein, and I don’t even know where Liechtenstein is. I’d Google it, but I’m afraid to because Liechtenstein sounds pretty dirty, like something I’d only do if I was insanely horny or really, really drunk. I don’t want to end up on a website that gives my computer a virus.
An international group called Reporters Without Borders ranked our press 20th out of 178 on its Press Freedom Index because our military routinely cites “security concerns” to squelch issues of legitimate public interest. Our electorate’s failure to root out government corruption and ballot-box manipulation puts us behind most of Europe in politics.
African Americans have more opportunities than white Americans to receive free room and boarding thanks to the U.S. justice system’s bias against minorities.
We also lock more people behind bars than any other democracy on the planet. Americans imprison about 743 people per 100,000 residents, a grossly disproportionate number of them blacks and other minorities, because, hey, some people will rob you with a six-gun and some with a fountain pen, but it’s only the ones who don’t look like the old, white men who run this country that we’re concerned about, and what’s wrong with a little harmless white-collar crime anyway? Bankers will be bankers, those scamps, never-you-mind about the resulting taxpayer bailouts, failed home mortgages and unemployment.
In case you’re curious, our incarceration rate compares to 577 per 100,000 people in second-place Russia—the Motherland of Communist oppression, for God’s sake!—and a scant 32 in low-ranked India. Although to be fair, many people would rather be thrown into a cell than forced to work in a computer help center in steamy Bangalore fielding idiotic questions like, “The instructions say to press any key. But I don’t see an Any Key on my keyboard. What do I do now?”
So how does America stack up against other countries when it comes to less tangible freedoms like health care, opportunity to be upwardly social mobile, and what President Franklin D. Roosevelt called “freedom from want?”
We are one of the wealthiest nations on the planet, but about 14 percent of U.S. residents live under the poverty line, compared to 1 percent in Taiwan and roughly half that amount in most of Europe. We work more hours a week than anybody in the world except the Japanese, get far fewer vacation days from our employers, have more trouble breaking out of the social class we’re born into and have less access to basic health care—even under President Obama’s new health care plan—than most people who live in similarly wealthy nations. Swedes, for example, live longer than Americans, enjoy lower infant mortality rates, are guaranteed six weeks of paid vacation, and are given 13 months of paid maternity leave to split between the parents. Oh, by the way, those parents can be husband and wife, husband and husband or wife and wife, shattering American’s claim to being the most religiously free nation in the galaxy.
Now who seems more free?
Astute political conservatives will object to these “facts,” of course.
For instance, they will correctly point out that American furniture doesn’t require as much assembly as that IKEA crap, and that the McLutefisk isn’t nearly as tasty as McDonald’s Quarter Pounder, which is known as the 113.4-McGram-a-Bun in Sweden. They’ll also note that not everybody wants to name their son Magnus, let alone attend compulsory ABBA concerts twice a year in their Volvo, even if it’s a shiny black S80, one of the finest, most stylish automobiles in the world (are you hearing what I’m saying about potential sponsorships, Volvo’s marketing department?). And they’ll say it all while standing in front of an American flag waved by an Iraqi war veteran and paid for by Donald Trump while a children’s choir sings God Bless America, so that your eyes well with patriotic tears as you realize that God Himself reached down from the firmament and handpicked us to lead the world’s tired, poor huddled masses to the land of milk of honey—just as long as they don’t do it by scaling the Great Wall of America, the 12-foot-tall, 670-mile long barricade separating America from Mexico along our southern border.
So where does that leave us in this lengthy discussion of freedom on Independence Day?
Frankly, it’s hard to say. As I said earlier, freedom’s elusive.
America might make Mitt Romney, a living version of the Ken doll, it’s next president.
At times like these, I often turn to the folksy, down-to-earth wisdom of songwriters like Kris Kristofferson, who wrote that “freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” But that seems a skosh gloomy for Independence Day.
I suggest we modify the lyric to “freedom’s just another ‘scuse to break out the booze,” and then sit back with our good friend Jack Daniels to ruminate on the inspiring words of Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who may or may not have been sipping the juice himself when he told a heckler at the Iowa State Fair that, “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.”
Yep, I can drink to that, all right.
Already am, in fact. How could I not?
God bless America, and let freedom ring.
No he di’n't. Di he say dat?
Yup, we’ve still got that Rugged Individualist thing going on, even though our frontiers slammed shut long ago, and we’re all bunched up like cattle. We will pay any price–and that can be quite high–to not band together for the common good. Happy Independence Day, darlin’!
We’re a nation of idiots. Loveable idiots, like the young teenagers we still are, but idiots nonetheless.
What a thought provoking post.
And I enjoyed it. Thoroughly.
However, just one question how can you state that not legalizing gay marriage shatters religious freedom?
“Oh, by the way, those parents can be husband and wife, husband and husband or wife and wife, shattering American’s claim to being the most religiously free nation in the galaxy.”
I thought it was a civil rights issue.
Just curious. And just surprised that it was lumped into a religious category. I look forward to your clarification (and being corrected). *smile*
I agree gay marriage is a civil-rights issue, which is why I strongly believe it should be legal under the Constitution and is a federal rights issue as opposed to a state’s rights issue. This is a very complicated legal issue that’s yet to be adequately addressed or settled by the Supreme Court.
However, I also believe most of the actual opposition to same-sex unions isn’t coming from the legal community. While there is a legitimate state’s right issue at stake, that’s just a smokescreen. The real opposition comes from the religious community, mainly — but not exclusively — from Christians who believe the Bible condemns homosexuality. Which is another very complicated issue, although theological not legal.
I recently noted with some interest and amusement that dictionaries have been caught up in the debate. How should they define “marriage?” If it’s a union between a man and a woman only, as the religious community contends, then they risk alienating those who feel marriage is broader than that. And visa-versa. Curiously, courts often turn to dictionaries for help in making rulings, relying on historical definitions from old dictionaries to argue precedent.
I don’t see an easy way to settle the debate. But I believe it’s wrong to oppose same-sex marriage on religious grounds because the country was founded on principles of religious freedom and I don’t believe the dominant religious belief of the day should trump all other religious beliefs. Even those belief systems that aren’t technically religious, such as atheism, should have equal protection under the law, with very few exceptions. In that sense, I believe Sweden and other countries are therefore more free than America, where our law seems to be improperly bound by religious conviction.
I noticed that in all the arguments you wrote on behalf of political conservatives, there was no mention of Canada. Is that because they couldn’t possibly find fault with a country known for its modesty, good manners and even better beer?
Wonderful post, as always, Michael. Now, keep ‘em coming!
You’re up WAY too early, Nicky.
Oh wait, it’s not a holiday in Canada. For once. Must feel almost weird to have to go to work, eh?
Bravo, I was up last night, sweltering in this god forsaken heat thinking about Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
While I agree with your lengthy and rambling definition of America I think Liberty and Freedom are a bit more elusive.
And, what we are chasing is happiness and you can’t define that. Marriage, yes, (two people preferably but a goat works too in a pinch). You know I’m a bit right leaning when it comes to business and all that stuff but socially I am as left as Jayne is (okay, maybe not that left but close). Gay weddings could totally turn this recession around. The gay wedding industry could be like the highway building or dam construction that pulled Americans out of the Depression, along with the repeal of Prohibition so maybe we need to legalize pot while we’re at it. (God, I love H2, none of that Picking stuff but real history the way God meant it be and high schools didn’t.
Ramble much, Jen?
Have a great holiday even if you are tethered to your cable bill. For me it’s the cell phone.
To you too, Nicky!! *waves in the direction of Canada.
I heard that, Jen, and I’m happy to have you here on the left where we’re always right.
I think we’ve finally won her over, Jayne.
I’d like to be drinking today, but realized that we ran out of liquor last night and the state store is closed today. So much for independence. Pshaw!
A tragic and potentially fatal error, my friend.
Maybe somebody you know has some booze.
I enjoyed the visualization of the spermy swimming towards ecstasy.
I was thrilled to see your post in my inbox. Great read, as always. Plus, I had forgotten it was the 4th until I saw that awesome patriotic picture. (Jeff’s at work. Normal day here.)
Go hang out at the VA hospital. You can write a part two.
Despite all that. Your post made me glad to be an American.
And White.
You always make me feel special, Liz. Or more special….
I’d like to point out that I greatly appreciate what our soldiers do for us, the sacrifices they make. It’s the people who send them there who irritate me so much.
You’re white? Who knew?
Bravo! Bravo! But there’s nothing wrong withbbeing forced to attend two ABBA concerts a year. Maybe more ABBA would help decrease skyrocketing obesity rates in the US…you know because they would be dancing….and canada is not a socialist country…don’t make lay oit the plan of salvation again…badly…
But you are brilliant. Face to face with you i woild be stuttering in her brilliance.
Naw, you wouldn’t stutter. Not because of my brilliance. Because of how out of shape I am. You’d put me on a diet and start working me out right away.
“I suggest we modify the lyric to “freedom’s just another ‘scuse to break out the booze,” and then sit back with our good friend Jack Daniels ”
I can get down with THAT!
And HOORAY for a new blog post from you!
Curiously, this entire post started with that line. For me, I mean. I was thinking about freedom, and then Me and Bobby McGee popped into my head, and then I changed the lyric to the above and then I wrote the post. Strange, huh?
And, by the way….
this post makes me think of the new HBO series called “The Newsroom.”
Which is totes amazeballs.
Anyway, there’s a scene in the 1st episode where the anchor Wil McAvoy was asked to answer the question, “Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world?”
And after trying to dodge the question with humor, he ‘s forced to give a REAL answer and this is basically what he said AFTER citing citing statistics that show the U.S. is not No. 1 (49th in life expectancy, seventh in literacy, No. 3 in household median income. most people in jail, ect…)
“”It sure used to be, we stood up for what was right. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, cared for our neighbors … cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. … We aspired for intelligence, we didn’t belittle it. We were able to do all these things because we were informed. … The first step in solving any problem is realizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore, but it can be?”
And after reading this post of yours, I think you would TOTALLY LOVE the show.
I have really been thinking about getting HBO just for this show. I could use some firin’ up lately.
Oh you should get HBO – just for this series!
I’d really like to see that show, but I don’t have HBO. I can’t help but think how great America is, but also about how great it could’ve been — or could be — if it hadn’t squandered its wealth on an endless, apparently unwinnable war (or wars) in the Middle East. We would’ve been better off dropping bags of money on Afghanistan than bombs. But we can’t see that. We still believe that violence and force are the best ways to achieve our goals. But I’m sure they’re not. Not in this case.
I thought about writing a 4th of July post — right up until I read this. What more can I say that you haven’t already said and done so better that I would have? Nothing. that’s what. I raise my imported beer to you. Happy 4th.
But you did write a 4th of July post. I’m so confused.
I wrote it after I read yours and told you I wasn’t going to write one. I got inspired.
Oh, and I have a Volvo S80 T6, too.
Ah, yes, freedom.
Freedom to make choices. Freedom to believe or not believe. It’s gets a bit cloudy in our beautiful blue skies sometimes.
Awesome post.
Happy 4th!
America’s a great country. But it could be greater.
More great?
Hmm.
Here’s to freedom to get schnockered! *hic* Happy 4th, guy.
You Canadians just don’t give a shit about our 4th of July celebrations, do you? You’re still smarting over the War of 1812, aren’t you?
Still celebrating you mean. Hey we won. And we burned down the capitol. Whoopee!
Michael,
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece of writing. You are spot in. Right now I am sitting in a small beach town that explodes every 4th of July with liquored-laced kids in the smallest red white and blue thongs imaginable, belting the sauce from morning til’ night. When I take my dog for a walk I must step over a few who have “fallen asleep” on the sidewalk. It’s ridiculous. But the main concern being the statistics you mentioned and how we stack up with other countries. No one really wants to acknowledge it, but in my mind you closed in on the problems with your brilliant post.
Thank you, Annie, and thanks for stopping by and taking time to read this long post — on a reference from my good friend, Jayne, no doubt. And I you’re right: Nobody wants to acknowledge it. Or almost nobody. Well, they will eventually, whether or not they want to.
I’m a little mad at America right now because my last taste of American freedom was waiting in line for 2 hours this past weekend at JFK for “routine” fingerprinting and then being stranded for another 15 hours because said fingerprinting line made me miss my flight home.
However, excellent post, Mike.
I doubt very many people agree with me, but I think all the extra security at airports is a waste of time and money. A little security goes a long way, but the reality is that terrorists can attack any busy, crowded place — a mall, for example — anytime they want, and without having to worry about a security check. So our focus on planes seems misplaced to me. I always wonder how many billions of dollars the airport delays cost our economy….
I thought something very similar. Why not hit a college football game? That can be 100k straight up.
Not quite the same statement. Well. Actually.
You are so on the grid now. I was fingerprinted the other day. Freaks me out a little. Let freedom ring.
I know, right? You, too, thanks to that stadium comment. We’re both in a red file at Homeland Security’s headquarters.
I don’t know, Michael. With the populations of Canada, Norway, Finland, Sweden. Ireland, etc. all added up, they still don’t equal America’s population. I think there are many things that work fine on a smaller scale, that aren’t so great on a massive scale. Since I cannot see what I am typing, I’ll stop now.
As always, Lind, you have an extremely valid point. In tennessee, where I am from, there was a form of healthcare available to residents not qualified for Medicare/caid. It seemed to work fine.
However…
I still don’t understand this “we can’t scale it up” argument. I hear it used all the time, buy nobody has ever explained WHY we can’t scale it up. In theory, I can’t think of a reason.
Just finished three weeks of intense analytical writing as part of a two-part interview process for a new position (so far so good), but now I can’t turn off my brain, and I really don’t want it turning in on itself as it did for the couple of months previously. Fortunately, I started wondering about this matter of scaling instead.
I came at it from several angles, but there doesn’t seem to be one clear answer. At one point I thought I had a nice cube-root thing going on, but it fell apart just when it was getting interesting.
In the end, I settled on one element — administration.
Suppose that it takes 25 patients to support one doctor and three administration people. If we double this to 50 patients, then the increased revenue nicely takes care of a second doctor and three extra admin people.
Unfortunately, if we increase the number of patients a bit more, we end up with enough admin people that we now need additional admin to oversee them. As we continue in this fashion, the overseeing admin become numerous enough to require yet more overseers, and so on. But while the increased revenue from the growing number of patients continues to be sufficient for the growing number of doctors and first layer of administration, it is not enough to cover the new layers of administration, and so the costs have to go up.
I’ve created a psuedo-infographic to illustrate the idea here: http://probablydontlikeyou.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/scaling-problems-diagram1.png (Here’s hoping your comment program doesn’t strip away the URL. And note — in the illustration it says “5 patients” to support one doctor and three admin. The number really doesn’t matter — although 25 patients is closer to the reality, so you can just consider that each square represents five patients.)
Of course, there are a hell of a lot more factors at work than just administration, but it does give an idea of why something that works on one scale may not be practical on a larger scale.
This, of course, doesn’t mean I believe a universal health care system wouldn’t work in the States. The prime obstacle down there really seems to be the fear that such a system would suddenly turn everyone in the country into socialists. Believe me, I’m no more sympathetic to socialism than the best of your right-wingers, and I can say with confidence that not being bankrupted by a burst appendix has in no way made me more left wing.
The one drawback is that such a system gives the government more right to enact controls regarding its citizens’ health. However, having been watching both our governments imposing more and more bans on foods they consider to be bad for us, it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference whether there’s a universal health plan in effect or not. I guess it’s just a matter of governments loving to set down rules, and a whole batch of citizen types being really, really happy to let them do it. (Let them do it? Hell, In most cases they beg them to do it. I’ve never been able to reconcile myself to how fast my students are to jump to the decision that the government has to either ban or make mandatory something in order to solve virtually any social issue — some of which aren’t really issues to anyone else in the first place.)
Which brings us back to the whole “freedom” thing, and you’re quite right, Mike. In a lot of ways we’re not. Sadly, we have a great tendency to beg our respective governments to take even more of what freedoms we have away.
(And it is a wonderful irony that when I read your post, the blues station I was listening to happened to play Mavis Staples cover of Dylan’s “You Gotta Serve Somebody.”)
Hey Mike! Freedom? Yeah, that’s a slippery bugger. I suspect none of us are truly free, but if we feel that we are then it’s true on some level. By the way, as a Brit who uses all of the marvellous words listed without a hint of superiority (well, not towards anyone worth mentioning) I hope you’ll continue to use them in anger and finally come round to our way of thinking. As for “American’s claim to being the most religiously free nation in the galaxy”, you didn’t even blink when you typed it. Bravo. Roth
Awesome post!
I was a little grumpy this 4th, thinking many of the things you wrote…
And some more of my own thoughts…
I love a good fireworks display, but I cannot stop myself from thinking that it is a frivolous expense especially after many communities have cut other community services because of rising costs.
I guess the cost of a good fireworks extravaganza is rising, especially when you feel the need to outdo all the neighboring communities…
But I did not blog my unpatriotic ideas because I did not want to seem unpatriotic…
That and I have a bad case of blogger-laziness…
So thanks for the outlet…
I’m with you on this one, Michael! Exquisitely written!
I enjoyed reading this; it is funny and sad and true.
Living in the wasteland of the free… (Lyrics by Iris Dement)
We got preachers dealing in politics and diamond mines
and their speech is growing increasingly unkind
They say they are Christ’s disciples
but they don’t look like Jesus to me
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
We got politicians running races on corporate cash
Now don’t tell me they don’t turn around and kiss them peoples’ ass
You may call me old-fashioned
but that don’t fit my picture of a true democracy
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
We got CEO’s making two hundred times the workers’ pay
but they’ll fight like hell against raising the minimum wage
and If you don’t like it, mister, they’ll ship your job
to some third-world country ‘cross the sea
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
Living in the wasteland of the free
where the poor have now become the enemy
Let’s blame our troubles on the weak ones
Sounds like some kind of Hitler remedy
Living in the wasteland of the free
We got little kids with guns fighting inner city wars
So what do we do, we put these little kids behind prison doors
and we call ourselves the advanced civilization
that sounds like crap to me
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
We got high-school kids running ’round in Calvin Klein and Guess
who cannot pass a sixth-grade reading test
but if you ask them, they can tell you
the name of every crotch on MTV
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
We kill for oil, then we throw a party when we win
Some guy refuses to fight, and we call that the sin
but he’s standing up for what he believes in
and that seems pretty damned American to me
and it feels like I am living in the wasteland of the free
Living in the wasteland of the free
where the poor have now become the enemy
Let’s blame our troubles on the weak ones
Sounds like some kind of Hitler remedy
Living in the wasteland of the free
While we sit gloating in our greatness
justice is sinking to the bottom of the sea
Living in the wasteland of the free
Living in the wasteland of the free
Living in the wasteland of the free
Wow.